What’s My Parish?

Ultimately, our life is either headed toward integration and renewal or disintegration and decay. But how do we know which direction we’re headed? Well, you have to understand how we were designed. God designed us to be loved by him and loved by others. If you are moving toward God and toward others, you are headed toward integration and renewal. But to turn from him toward isolation will lead to disintegration and decay. We were designed to be known and loved.

"To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life may throw at us." - Tim Keller

In order to be known by God and by others, we need to slow down and be present—present with our feelings, present with God, present with those around us, and present in the work we do that impacts the world around us. To live like Jesus, we need to walk as Jesus walked. Jesus was present with the people he was with, Jesus was not upset by interruption but paused his plans to be with others, and Jesus listened and asked questions more than he spoke.

“God is doing what God is doing in God’s time. And, maybe, if we had to slow down a bit, we might paradoxically catch up with God.” —N.T. Wright

If we can learn to slow down, we can learn how to live integrated lives. If we begin to live integrated lives, we can begin to restore the world around us. When you are able to be present with others, you’re not only bringing restoration to your life, you are bringing community into existence—from nothing you are creating something just by choosing to slow down and be with others. By learning to be with others in real and intentional ways, we are bringing restoration to the world. Even in a very disintegrated city, we can begin the work of restoring goodness.

“There is no place without the potential for unearthing holiness.” —Eugene Peterson

Unfortunately, our community is in decline. Less and less people have people they consider close friends. Less and less people know our names and could name something about who we are below the surface. Friendship is in decline and loneliness is on the rise. We are desperate for friendship and community. We were made by a God who embodies community (He [singular] is Father, Son, and Holy Spirit [three persons in one God]). And we were made to reflect that in the world.

At Waypoint Church, we are trying to reclaim connection and community. For thousands of years, people lived in small communities where they walked to church. The walking distance, where you shopped, where you went to church—that was your parish. Today, we have lost the parish. We live in a very transient and disconnected society where the fronts of houses are garage doors and closed gates instead of front porches and open doors.

While we can’t immediately change the disintegrated, disconnectedness of our city, we can start in the places God does have us. We can start to think of the places in our lives as our parish.

I share a mailbox with ten other homes. That’s my parish. I work in an office building where eight people share an open workspace—that's my parish. I go to a running club with six regulars—that’s my parish. I frequent the same coffee shop and know the workers and other regulars—that’s my parish. In a spread-out city, I can reclaim small spaces.

What is your parish? It’s simply the place where you live, work, and  play. A place you live in and engage with. We cultivate these parishes by not just passing through them but existing fully in them, being present with others in them, and by knowing others and being known in these spaces. And in these spaces, through our actions and words, we demonstrate what it looks like to live as a beloved child in the family of God.

Where Do I Start?

Step 1: Name Your Parishes

Actually write them down! Start right now by writing three parishes that God already has you in. Here are some examples:

1. Neighbors

   1. Immediate neighbors

   2. Neighborhood groups (walking group, mom group)

   3. HOA

   4. Pools/parks, communal gathering areas

   5. Crime watch

   6. A neighborhood or apartment complex welcome team

2. Work

   1. Co-workers

   2. Business lunch events/speakers

   3. Toastmasters, extracurricular work improvement

   4. Co-work spaces

   5. Professional organizations (Society of _______ Engineers, etc.)

3. Shared interests/hobbies

   1. Gym, exercise classes, events held at your local gym

   2. Basketball, softball league

   3. Running, biking clubs, 5K races

   4. Rock climbing gym

   5. Reading/book club

   6. Game night

   7. Yoga

   8. Hiking, backpacking, camping, off-roading

   9. Hunting, fishing

   10. Dinner club (at home or at restaurants)

   11. Photography, art

   12. Dancing

   13. Gardening

   14. Golf

   15. Collecting clubs

   16. Sewing/quilting

   17. Car clubs

   18. Cooking, baking, brewing

   19. Billiards/pool, table tennis

   20. Music

   21. Dancing

   22. Aquarium

   23. Where do you always shop? Stores for your hobby

   24. Meetup.com

4. Shared background/stage of life

   1. Language learning, speaking

   2. MOPS (Moms of Preschoolers), play dates with moms

   3. Young professionals

   4. Ethnic identity clubs

   5. Retired

   6. Dog park

   7. College/high school alumni group

   8. Friend’s birthday party, kid’s birthday party, housewarming party

   9. Study group

5. Volunteer/civic clubs

   1. Red Cross

   2. Rotary/Lions Club

   3. Compassion ministries (Springs Rescue, etc.)

   4. Volunteer at local museum or somewhere else to meet co-workers

   5. Volunteer on a political campaign

6. Children’s shared activities

   1. Coaching or just attending local sports league

   2. 4H, Boy Scouts, etc.

   3. PTA, school volunteer or tutor

7. Regular life spots

   1. A regular person at the grocery checkout

   2. Coffee/Starbucks barista

   3. Bars (shared sports team)

   4. Restaurants

   5. Commuter bus, shared commute 

Step 2: Name the People in Your Parish

Write down five names of people in each parish. (If you don’t know their name yet, that’s okay. Write down something you know about them until you get to know their name.) 

Step 3: Engage Your Parish

Plan a few events that can help you bring people from “acquaintance” to “friend.” Here’s some examples:

1. Invite some or all of the parish/group on a hike

2. Host a neighborhood event

   1. Kids at the park

   2. Christmas cookie party

   3. Turkey trot 5k route

   4. Pop-up farmers market

   5. “Donuts on the Driveway”

   6. Get to know your neighbors by hosting an annual party, Memorial Day BBQ, summer bash, 4th of July breakfast, etc.

   7. Host a backyard Bible club

3. Invite someone to a concert or shared interest. (Art gallery? Lecture speaker on a work topic?) Pay attention to your shared interests to know what you connect on.

4. Invite people to participate in a service project for your shared community

5. Host a dinner party for your parish group

6. Host a game night for the group

7. Have a no-kids whiskey/wine night

8. Start a fantasy sports league with the group

9. A night out: bar, karaoke, comedy show, etc.

10. Host a BBQ for everyone or a potluck

11. Go to the zoo or a museum-type activity in town and invite others

12. Invite people over to help you with a project around the house/yard

13. Host a joint/shared yard sale 

Tips for Continuing the Work of Parish Cultivation

Seasons. We’ve come to find that Colorado has two seasons: summer and winter. The warm weather provides opportunities to reach out and grow the number of acquaintances you have in your parish. And the cold weather means indoor activities with smaller groups. These activities lend themselves to deepening friendships through hospitality.

Commit. People want to know you are committed to them and to your parish. Friendships are hard and risky, but if you can consistently show up, people will see you’re a stable person to build connections with.

Frequency. It requires more than just one connection to develop a friend. Be realistic about what you can do but also realize regular meetings and interactions are required. That's why weekly church gatherings are important too—week-in and week-out connections are necessary for building community.

Be weak. Friendship is about mutual dependency. We need to be comfortable needing from others and receiving from others to be able to truly create open and real connections.

Hospitality. That word does not mean “fancy, stressful party.” It means an open door and an open heart where you are willing to let people in and let people see the real you in your real house. Be open to caring for others, be there for others, and listen to others.

Slow down. People don’t want to feel like you just fit them into an otherwise distracted day. Be willing to be present with someone, be ready to listen, and carve out time to invest in them relationally.

Remember. Pay attention to the person you are with and care deeply enough about what they are sharing that you remember. Remember their name, remember their job, and remember the joy and hardship of their season of life.

Be with Jesus. We can only sustain this type of work where we risk being known, where we give up something to give our time to them if we are deeply drinking from the grace offered to us in Christ. We can only be a healthy presence in so much as we are present with God and being renewed by God.